I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
