How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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