Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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