Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
