At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
