I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
