So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
