put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
