was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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