...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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