I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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