Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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