Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
