Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there's paper in my vomit.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
