Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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