just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
