I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
