Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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