it wasn't lemon gatorade
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
