Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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