batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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