She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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