Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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