nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
