One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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