they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
