# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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