I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
