But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
