Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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