i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
