She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize