11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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