I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
