uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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