No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
