I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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