you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
