White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
