My nipple is on Facebook.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
