I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
