I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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