i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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