the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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