By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
