He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize