I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You've changed since you got that strap on
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
