Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
