weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
