Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want her autograph on my taint
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
