it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
