I need help removing her.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
