oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
