i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
