It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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