i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
