I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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