I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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