so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
