dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
